Are you an introvert, sociallyanxious or shy? 6 clues to help you tell
Quiet people are having their moment.
The world is embracing introverts in a big way, spurred bymovements like Susan Cain’s “Quiet Revolution.” It’s happening because the research validates so many of us,said Ellen Hendriksen, a clinical psychologist at Boston University's Centerfor Anxiety and Related Disorders who writes the Savvy Psychologist columns.
“Our Western culture generally values and celebratesextroverts,” Hendriksen told TODAY.
“So to finally have a message sent that introverts are valuableand necessary, and most of all that nothing is wrong with being quiet, isreally empowering to people who thought something was wrong with them.”
But are you actually an introvert, socially anxious or shy?Being introverted and socially anxious are two different things, but shyness isusually a short-hand way of saying social anxiety, Hendriksen said.
Here are more clues:
1. Introversion is born socialanxiety is made
Introversion is a personality trait — a temperament you are bornwith, Hendriksen noted. Introverts are energized and refueled by being bythemselves, or a small group of confidantes.
Social anxiety, on the other hand, is often learned. Lifeexperiences convince you that people are judgmental, and you begin to believethat if you risk doing something, it’ll become obvious that you are incompetentor inadequate, she added.
2. Social anxiety is fueled byavoidance
People with social anxiety won’t show up to the Christmas party.They’ll let their calls go to voice mail or leave a gathering early.
They may also avoid the situation covertly: They’ll showup to the party, but might avoid eye contact, spend most of their timescrolling through their phone or find other ways to not be present.
3. Socially-anxious people can beextroverts
You might get your energy from people, but be afraid of them atthe same time. So you really want to go to lunch with your coworkers, but worrythey don’t want you there. Or you’d like to host a dinner party, but be afraidyou’ll be judged as being inadequate.
“That’s actually quite torturous because then you’reuncomfortable when you’re alone and you’re uncomfortable when you’re withpeople. It’s a no-win situation,” Hendriksen said.
4. Introverts enjoy solitudepeople with social anxiety not so much
For the introvert, being alone is necessary and refreshing. Itfeels good to read a book in a quiet room without any people around.
But if you’re socially anxious and you’re alone in order toavoid a social situation, you may end up feeling regret or disappointment,Hendriksen noted.
“Avoidance might make someone feel like, ‘Phew, I don’t have totalk to people,’” she said. “By not going, it makes you feel less anxious, butit doesn’t make you feel good.”
5. Socially-anxious people aresupremely worried about what others think of them
Introverts aren’t concerned about how they present. They can bethemselves and not worry they’ll be “revealed” as deficient or inadequate.There’s no performance or perfectionism involved, Hendriksen noted.
For people with social anxiety, on the other hand, socialsituations turn into a performance with very high standards. They tellthemselves “I must never let a gap occur in a conversation,” “I must alwayshave something interesting to say” or “I am responsible for entertaining this person.”
“You’re spending so much time and energy onimpression-management and anxiety-management, there’s not much energy andattention left over to pay attention outwardly, focus on that conversation andwhat somebody is saying,” Hendriksen said.
6. Socially-anxious people employ‘safety behaviors’
It’s very common for people with social anxiety to think theyhave no social skills. They may tell themselves: “I’m always awkward” or “Idon’t know what it’s like to have a normal conversation.”
In fact, they’re actually quite good at navigating socialsituations, Hendriksen noted. They’ll steer the conversation to things they arecomfortable talking about or pepper the person they’re talking to withquestions to take the attention off themselves.
But they also resort to “safety behaviors” — avoiding eyecontact, speaking softly, smiling all the time, being very ingratiating —as a way to artificially lower their anxiety.
“All that’s doing is taking up your bandwidth so that there’snot very much left over to actually pay attention to the conversation thatyou’re having,” Hendriksen said.
How to deal:
If you’re an introvert, you should simply embrace your quietself. You don’t treat a trait, so there’s no need to change your personality,Hendriksen advised.
However, if social anxiety is standing in the way of living thelife you want, then it becomes a problem.
Here are three steps to take:
Slowly put yourself into situations you’re afraid of: Talk to the coworker you always avoid or attend a gatheringyou’d normally skip. “You don’t have to do a cannon ball into the pool, you caninch in a little bit at a time,” Hendriksen said.
Drop the safety behaviors: Stop avoiding eye contact or speaking very softly. “Trying to suppress anxiety is like trying to keep a beach ball under water. It’s just going to pop up again eventually,” she noted.
Turn your attention outward: “Rather than self-monitoring and focusing inward… listen to the conversation,” Hendriksen advised. Whatever you fear is probably not going to come true. And even if it does, you can handle it.
Article Source: http://www.today.com/health/are-you-introvert-socially-anxious-or-shy-how-tell-t104331
Image Source: http://smartgirlsgroup.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/shutterstock_143249107-300x200.jpg
VOCABULARY WORDS:
1. Incompetent (adj.) ~ not having or showing the necessary skills to do something successfully
2. Covertly (adv.) ~ not openly practiced, avowed, engaged in, accumulated, or shown
3. Solitude (n.) ~ the state or situation of being alone
4. Ingratiating (adj.) ~ intended to gain approval or favor
5. Suppress (v.) ~ prevent the development, action, or expression of (a feeling, impulse, idea, etc.) restrain
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION:
1. Define the following: introvert, socially anxious and shy? How are they different from each other?
2. What are the possible causes of social anxiety? Give suggestions on how to overcome this situation.
3. Do you ever experience social anxiety? What are the bad effects of being socially anxious?
