11 Parenting Styles, Explained
Even if you think you're just winging it, you probably fall into one of these parenting categories. And here's the secret: None of them are better or worse than the rest—well, with one exception.
1. Attachment
Proponent: Dr. Sears
Pro: Lots of together time
Con: Lack of alone time
This is the one that caused collective gasps with the Time cover in 2012—you know the one most people remember it as a mom nursing what, OMG, has got to be like an 11-year-old kid or something! (He was 3.)
Frankly, the magazine was a little late to the party: Attachment parenting has been a thing since the early 90s (well, longer, but that's when people started using the term). It's all about nurturing a close and secure relationship with your baby via breastfeeding, babywearing, co-sleeping—things that are varying degrees of controversial but for the most part are fairly common. So everybody calm the heck down about it.
2. Tiger
Proponent: Amy Chua
Pro: Successful kids
Con: Kids in therapy
Behold the Tiger mom, who relentlessly pushes her kids to perfection, focusing on top grades, flawless piano recitals, and excellent behavior. One could argue she's nothing but trouble (let kids be kids!), but she's the answer to everyone's great fear that our kids are going to grow up and never figure out how to write their own resumes. When you expect a lot of someone, they expect a lot of themselves, right?
3. Unconditional
Proponent: Alfie Kohn
Pro: Love wins
Con: Sometimes, you don't win
Nope, it's not about getting kids to do what we want. It's about figuring out what kids need. It starts with unconditional love, which translates to no time outs and no rewards. The theory? That we shouldn't be teaching kids that they are only good and loved when they please us. Kids are not a problem to solve, they're our family to love and support. That doesn't mean you let them run wild, but if you teach them how their behavior affects others, you can guide them to a moral and satisfying life. You work together. If you love being the family CEO with your kids as your entry-level protégés, this approach will not sit well with you.
4. Free-range
Proponent: Lenore Skenazy
Pro: Independent kids
Con: Which is good, because you might be in jail
These are the folks who get arrested for doing the things our parents did on a daily basis in the 70s. Send kids to the playground without an adult. Ride bikes to a friend's house alone. Play in the backyard with nothing but a tree growing possibly poisonous berries. By giving their kids freedom and responsibility before they're teenagers (or, cough, 25), they're trying to teach self-reliance too bad nobody will let them.
5. French
Proponent: Pamela Druckerman
Pro: More wine.
Con: Did you see that cute thing your kid just did? Nope.
There are actual French parents in actual France, of course, but that's not who we're talking about. We're talking about American parents who call themselves French parents, because hey, our Parisian friends got romance and croissants right, so why not kids? Much like free-range parents, they give their kids independence at a young age, though this case in the form of, "go outside and play and let me eat my croissant in peace." They frame family life around the adults, not the kids. That means you don't rearrange your weekend plans for soccer practice, you don't make more than one dinner, and you don't actively and carefully listen to every word coming out of your child's mouth. Ignore them a little, have your adult conversation, and by the time they really need to talk to you, you'll feel more like a grown human being and less like the subject of a mini dictator.
6. Positive
Proponent: Amy McCready
Pro: Good behavior
Con: Hard work
You want a well-behaved, happy kid? Stop ignoring him and parent him, say these moms and dads. The trick is to give them attention when they're good, teach them how you want them to act (over and over if you have to, because how else will they know?), and be firm with the limits you set. It's a lot of work and it's a lot of time spent focused on small children who throw tantrums when you play their made-up game "wrong" and big children who can give you the silent treatment for days for taking away the video games. But the goal is kids who actually want to behave and parents who actually like being parents.
7. Third-child style
Pro: Everybody's chill
Con: Ask every third child you know
This is a new term for the young Millennial parents who want to be more laid back than their own parents (see: helicopter, below), so they pretend to be as chill as parents who are already on their third kid and who, therefore, are more relaxed about kids who roll around in the sand, clutching a Tootsie roll. Presumably, though, they take more photos of their child than parents of three kids typically do of the youngest. They are, after all, still Millennials.
8. Slow
Pro: Serenity
Con: Boredom
If you are unafraid of keeping your child from realizing her potential to be the next Serena Williams and you don't think watching a kid spend three endless minutes fitting together one train track will make you nuts, then you can try slow parenting. The idea is to cut way, way back on scheduling and let kids explore what they're into at their own speed (usually, yes, slow). And that doesn't mean it frees you up to do your own busy grown-up stuff. Embrace the pace, and let yourself be present with your kids without twitching for your phone. Patience, grasshopper, this one is harder than it sounds.
9. Gentle/Child-Led
Pro: Household harmony
Con: Easier said than done
These are more terms for some attitudes we've already covered here: Figuring out what your child needs/wants/is really crying about and figuring out what to do/not do/solve from there (see positive, unconditional, slow parenting). Yellers not welcome and there are no epic lists of house rules, though that doesn't mean no rules, you eye rollers: Kids still wash their hands and don't eat dessert for breakfast. Instead, parents try to remember that two year olds are not four year olds, and 12 year olds are not 17. Meet the kids where they're at and you'll all feel a lot more peaceful.
10. Helicopter
Pro: Helping kids be their best
Con: ...to the point they can't do it themselves
The hoverers, the parents who want to oversee or control their child's every move, especially to save them from dangers or hurt feelings. (Examples: calling the teacher over nearly every low grade, taking over the Lego build when it gets tricky, standing directly below a 9-year-old on the jungle gym). Everyone's afraid of being this parent, but lately, there's been a backlash to the backlash. What's wrong, these parents ask, with caring a lot about, say, your child's school or being extra careful in our dangerous times? The trick is in choosing what to help with and when to get involved. Troubleshooting? Let the kid do it. Helping in a crisis? That's what adults are for.
11. Subset: Blackhawk parents
Pro: None
Con: Ruining a generation of children
This is the exception to the "hey, we're all just doing our best" rule. These are the parents who hover with military intensity, like the parents who hijacked an Easter egg hunt and grabbed eggs themselves (true story). You're probably not this mom. Those moms quit reading this five minutes ago and are working on their kids' college essays.
Article Source: http://www.redbookmag.com/life/a43823/parenting-styles/
Image Source: http://rbk.h-cdn.co/assets/16/18/768x624/gallery-1462222017-gettyimages-604434393.jpg
VOCABULARY WORDS:
1. Wing it (idiom) ~ to improvise to do something extemporaneously
2. Flawless (adj.) ~ without any mistakes or shortcomings
3. Protégé (n.) ~ a person who is guided and supported by an older and more experienced or influential person
4. Dictator (n.) ~ a ruler with total power over a ｃountry, typically one who has obtained power by force
5. Tantrum (n.) ~ an uncontrolled outburst of anger and frustration, typically in a young child
6. Backlash (n.) ~ a strong and adverse reaction by a large number of people, especially to a social or political development
7. Troubleshoot (v.) ~ solve serious problems for a company or other organization
8. Hijack (v.) ~ take over (something)
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION:
1. Describe each type of parenting briefly.
2. Which kind of parenting is the most common in your ｃountry?
3. What kind of parent are you? Why kind of parent would you like to be? Explain your reason.
4. How does the style of parenting affect the future generations? Discuss your answer.
