Psychologist shares the secret to making friends at work
We already know that not having friends at work can make youstupid, but is there a way to create real friendships at work that don't feelforced?
Psychologist and authorRon Friedman explains in his book " The Best Place To Work" thatthere are three ingredients necessary for friendship — physical proximity,familiarity, and similarity — that you could easily find in the workplace.
But there's one thingthat's a little harder to come by atwork that can turn the possibility of friendship into a reality: sharing secrets.
According torelationship researchers, for two people to deeply connect, it's not enough tojust talk shop — both people need to share intimate details about themselves.And as the relationship grows, the level of self-disclosure also needs to grow.
Unsurprisingly, researchers from Washington State University found thisto be as true for work friendships as romantic relationships. When theyinterviewed coworkers to determine how they became friends, they discovered apattern of self-disclosure that included sharing problems from one'spersonal, home, and work life.
But in a competitivework environment, is sharing emotionally sensitive information with coworkers reallywise? Here are a few tips for opening up the right way in the workplace:
1. Start on a positivenote.
While sharing intimateinformation can help strengthen a relationship, Friedman says it's best tostart with a foundation of shared positive experiences before divulgingsensitive information. Your first few conversations with a colleague aredisproportionally important because of the importance we place on firstimpressions, he says. "You want to use those early interactions todemonstrate warmth and skill — not harp on personalweaknesses."
2. Don't rush theprocess.
"Self-disclosure isnot something you want to rush into," Friedman says.
By starting small,sharing incrementally, and slowly moving towards divulging more emotionallysensitive personal information, you can become more confident in sharing trulypersonal information about yourself, explains Shasta Nelson, authorof "Friendships Don’t Just Happen" and a facilitator of friendshipsin the workplace.
3. Keep mostinteractions positive.
As a general rule ofthumb,for every negative discussion you have, Nelson suggests having five positivediscussions. "Offset whining, the sharing of hardthings, or work stress with bonding through adding positive feelings to thosearound you."
4. Search forsimilarity.
Friedman says similarityis a basic building block of friendship. He suggests striking up conversationsabout interests you have in common with colleagues, "whether it's rootingfor the Mets, binging on 'House of Cards,'or raising kids around the same age."
5. Find areas ofcommon struggle.
Friedman advises lookingfor collaborative assignments where you and your colleague need oneanother to succeed. "It's easier to connect with others when it's clearyou're both on the same side and neither one of you can get the job donealone."
6. Open up aboutnon-work topics.
According to Friedman,the more people talk about non-work topics, the more likely they are to befriends. Rather than droning on about your boss or an impossibledeadline, consider talking about your plans to go kayaking this weekend,meeting your partner's family, or your newest hobby.
7. Share outside ofwork.
Nelson cautions friendsat work to focus their private bonding and sharing to off-work hours. Shebelieves coworkers should designate their work hours as time when the wholeoffice can benefit from their friendship. "Be known as friends who areinclusive, not exclusive as people who bring laughter to the office and whoare friendly to everyone," Nelson says.
8. Evaluate thefriendship together.
Discussing thefriendship with one another, especially concerning any boundaries that might beimportant to either of you at work, is vital according to Nelson. She suggestsasking each other, "What, if anything, about being friends with someone atwork worries you?" and "What can we do to help alleviate thatworry?"
Article Source: http://www.businessinsider.com/the-secret-to-making-friends-at-work-2015-4
Image Source: http://tibbutt.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/0324_workplace-friend_390x220.jpg
VOCABULARY WORDS:
1. Proximity (n.) ~ closeness
2. Self-disclosure (n.) ~ the act of revealing moreabout oneself to another
3. Divulge (v.) ~ to make known
4. Harp on (phrasal verb) ~ to talk or write aboutto an excessive and tedious degree
5. Rule of thumb(n.) ~ a useful principle having wide application but not intended to bestrictly accurate
6. Offset (n.) ~ something that balances orｃounteracts for something else
7. Drone on (v.) ~ talk in a monotonous tone
8. Alleviate (v.) ~ to lessen or reduce
QUESTIONS FORDISCUSSION:
1. Do you find it difficult to be friends with yourco-workers? Why?
2. Some people say that friendships in theworkplace can be complicated because of rivalry. Do you agree or disagree?Discuss your answer.
3. When you are with your co-workers, what kind ofthings do you usually talk about?
