Who is a real man amongst men?

Are you a mouse or a man?

The Universal Declaration of Human Rights states that all human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights. Meanwhile, each individual also has an obligation to comply with the laws of his or her country. While every man in Korea has the right to life, liberty and personal security like all citizens of the world, they have strong social norms to meet. Here I’m talking about expectations that supersede any legal obligations.

Korean men are expected to conform to a long-standing social convention of being a “real man,” regardless of their physique, social or economic class, or education. How is this done? Here are a few social beliefs about what constitutes a “real” Korean man.



Military service

Many people were shocked at the news that K-pop star Rain and actress Kim Tae-hee are dating. What has created a bigger storm than their romantic relationship among Korean fans is that Rain supposedly broke military rules by going on dates with his girlfriend while on duty.

Serving as a public relations soldier, Rain is alleged to have exceeded his allotment of vacation days, reportedly taking twice the average number. The controversy heated up the Internet and caused a public outcry, especially among men who had fulfilled their mandatory military service. Regardless of whether the accusations against Rain are true, what is it that makes citizens so outraged?

It is a very sensitive issue here. In Korea, military service is the measure of a public figure’s integrity, sense of responsibility and patriotism. Allegations of draft dodging can ruin a person’s reputation for life. All physically and mentally healthy men are required to participate in national defense - it’s one of the four constitutional duties of Koreans. After enduring the tough training and strict regulations of the army barracks, they are reborn into society as “real men,” mentally and physically stronger than before. It is totally understandable that the pride of those who performed their military service is sky-high. While there are still quite a few who seek out any chance to evade the duty, those who have devoted the required two years of their lives to rigid military training won’t put up with violators and are understandably upset when the rich and famous are accused of using suspect means to evade or mitigate their national service.

One minor aftereffect of proud men’s service is that they can’t stop bragging about their experience at boot camp. It is something special that they have handled artillery and learned all sorts of defense techniques for combat, but interestingly, most of the heroic military exploits guys love to talk about are related to the R&R time they spent playing soccer. They can easily stay up all night talking about matches with a commander or against other army units. Even though they will often go on and on talking big about how they drove an armored vehicle, crawled on their bellies in the snow or beat the other team 3-0, it is recognized by society that they have met the first requirement of being a real man in Korea.

Three tears

“Real” Korean men are only allowed to cry three times in their lives: when they are born, when their parents die and when they are deprived of their homeland. Obviously, who among us would be able to hold back tears under these circumstances, but what about other times?

Neither a tearjerker of a movie like “Old Yeller” nor a serious injury is an excuse for guys to cry in front of other people. Like Korea, there seem to be very few cultures worldwide that approve of this supposed softness in men. If a guy is caught crying by his friends, or even his wife, he’ll act as if nothing is happening. If asked, “Hey, are you crying?” 10 out of 10 would reply, “Of course not! It’s just this darn yellow dust!”

Men are obsessed with looking tough all the time and being emotional doesn’t seem like an acceptable thing to them. In the same context, men work hard to suppress fear. When a horror film makes their wives and girlfriends bite their nails and jump out of their chairs and scream, men never express any emotion and make a show of puffing out their chests to make room for their dates to bury their heads. In Korea, we’ve come to a point where a lot of young men have longer daily beauty regimens than most women, wear makeup and are proud of it, but the idea of showing emotional sensitivity is still frowned upon.

At the same time, women’s tears are readily acknowledged as a powerful manipulative weapon to get what they want. Most Korean girls can cry at the drop of a hat, but are not attracted to weepers. Crying, of course, is not a bad thing. We shed 70 liters (18. 4 gallons) of tears over our lifetimes, whether we are happy or sad. Tears are a way to remove hormones from the body and have been shown to help relieve emotional distress. Girls, if your boyfriend’s or husband’s eyes get a bit watery, give him a break. He’s already feeling embarrassed enough.

Be MacGyver

Can you rewire a light switch, change a flat tire and fix a broken TV? If your answers are no, I’m afraid you might be picked on by your Korean friends.

As most Korean guys expect every woman to be a good cook, most Korean women believe all guys are experts at fixing machines and full of resourcefulness in any DIY situation. To live up to this expectation, Korean men will always bull ahead and try to mend any broken home appliances even when they don’t have a clue what they’re doing. They will stubbornly work at it until a small glitch becomes a big enough problem that they secretly run off to a qualified repairman.

Korean women do not seem to believe that males can be machine-illiterate. If husbands can’t fix something, their wives will nag them all day long, accusing them of not being a real man. If a husband is as resourceful and skillful as MacGyver, who could seemingly do anything with only a roll of duct tape and a Swiss Army knife, they would never need to hire a mechanic or plumber.

Part of this mindset is easily explained by Korea’s impoverished history. Home appliances, utilities and especially cars were expensive, and needed to be maintained as long as humanly possible. Even today, the famous Swiss Army knife is commonly called a MacGyver knife in Korea.

What makes a man a “real man” is dependent on culture and situation, but in Korea it involves two years of your life given to the defense of the nation, suppressing your emotions and an ability to fix just about any DIY problem by yourself. It’s a lot of pressure, and if you can pull it off I hope you’re appreciated. If you do cry watching sad movies or don’t know how to change a fuse, don’t worry. Blame it on yellow dust ... and the wrong tools.


By Michelle Kang [michykang@gmail.com]